Getting Messy and the Realization of Self-Love

It sounds like a fairytale, doesn’t it? Whilst getting messy, discovering you actually love yourself. Ha. And that for blue Monday.

It started years ago with my self-discovery. I remember I wrote a blog while on Bali. I had had a yoga lesson and during that lesson, I started to cry uncontrollably. It was insane. The other participants were actually jealous, which was a bit odd, but they said: this will be a moment of transformation.

It was true, although it took me another couple of hours to realize what it was: I actually didn’t love myself. And that realization back then started a whole new process for me. I did my retreats, discovered my own body, meditated, said ‘I love you’ to myself in the mirror (and that works!), really felt, because feeling might be scary, it is also something really wonderful. If you feel your sadness, your anger, of not being fully accepted in the past, of people abusing you, of the scars you have brought upon yourself, if you really feel it, then you can let it go.

2020 – this is the year

Fast forward to 2020. Since a couple of weeks I’m part of the Get Messy Art Journal community. When on Instagram and searching within certain circles, the hashtag’s gmseasonof… and getmessyartjournal seemed to be omnipresent. A club that I was not yet part of, but I really wanted to belong. Why? Is this some desperate attempt to feel approved? Perhaps, but also, the art these people make is just awesome. So, I thought, if I wanted to make art as awesome as them, I need the same teachers – hence, I joined.

Part of Get Messy are the seasons. Each with their own theme on which we fill our journals. I’ve been so inspired by lead artist Char DeRouin, that I made my first handmade journal. I made it of this huge ‘thank you’ letter I had written to my current house with a pen with nib and some ink. The next step was to introduce myself to my journal and boy, did I do that. I glued my photo on the page and it became instantly clear: I am my home.

I am home.

Of course, I can have bits of insecurity and don’t always love the way I look when I look in the mirror. But I feel at home now. At home in my body. This is my body. It does what it does, it works quite well and I am still here. That is something to be grateful for. That was one hell of a realization. And just by introducing myself to this new art journal. Oh the wonders of life!

How would you introduce yourself to your art journal or even your normal journal, or even to someone else? What words would you use? And how do you feel?

Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash

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Writer | Poet | Handletterer | Constant Changener | Fuckiteer

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